Querying – LDS Publisher

Help! I Queried Too Soon!

Let’s say I’m a dingbat and started to query while I was still editing my manuscript. Even with submitting queries via email, I thought it would take several weeks to hear back from anyone. (Everyone writer I know complains about how long it takes to get a response to a query so I thought I was safe.)

But, amazingly, I got a response the next day, requesting a full manuscript. What do I do?

Do I tell them it will be a few weeks before I get back to them? Or do I not say anything and send it when it’s ready? Is this going to be a problem? Have I totally wrecked my chances with them?

First off, everyone learn from this writer’s mistake. Do not send a query until your novel is ready to go—written, edited and as good as you can make it. (This is not an issue with non-fiction, as those queries are often sent before the book is finished.)

The good news is that unless whomever you sent it to was brand new and desperate for reads, they are either very efficient or you simply got in on the day they were clearing through their query file and sending out responses. Chances are they aren’t sitting there tapping their foot, waiting for your full. However, if your query was so awesome that they really, really want to read your mss, they might possibly be wondering what’s taking you so long. (I’ve had a few mss that I was excited to see. I bugged my assistant every day, asking if they had come yet.)

The other good news is your query was probably really good. Really good queries and really bad queries typically get fast responses, while those queries that fall in between take some time to think about. If your mss was good enough to want today, it will be good enough to want in a few weeks—probably.

The bad news is that the longer you wait to submit the full, the higher the reading pile will be on top of it and there’s a possibility that someone else will send in something similar to yours and beat you to the punch.

If you can get it done in two weeks, I wouldn’t bother responding. I’d just buckle down, work really hard, and do whatever it takes to get that mss finished and off (even if it means taking time off work and neglecting the family). If it’s going to take you longer than that, I’d send a very short email (just a few sentences) explaining the situation and letting them know you’ll send it as soon as it’s ready.

When Do I Tell Them the Butler Did It?

I’ve read a lot of blogs and forums where writers say we should tell the agent/editor how the story ends in the query letter. Others say, no, the query is just a teaser. The ending should only be hinted at in the query letter, but the ending needs to be revealed in a synopsis.

Can you shed some light on this subject?

Yes. The query is a short teaser. If it’s a murder mystery, you don’t need to say that the butler did it in the query letter. You do, however, need to put it in the synopsis.

Some publishers/agents want the query and synopsis submitted at the same time. Others want only the query letter.

Should I Keep Querying

I’ve been pondering the above question for some time now. Actually, I totally intend to keep querying. What I’m really asking is, should I keep querying using the same query letter or revise it – again?

Here’s the background. So far, I’ve sent out 26 queries to agents, via email, using roughly the same query letter, tweaking it slightly at times. So far, I’ve gotten back 14 rejections, most form letters, but a few seemed like nice personal notes. All were polite, friendly, and encouraging. A couple even asked me to let them see my next project. I’m assuming by that, that they think I can at least write.

So, that leaves 12 unanswered email queries. Some of them are getting close to 3 months old. Most of the responses I have received came within a week.

So, to my question. Should I keep querying, using the same query letter, or consider revising it – again. This last go-round I followed Kristen Nelson’s method for “Building the Pitch Paragraph,” and think I have a pretty good query letter – not perfect, but I think it’s the best I’ve come up with so far.

What do you suggest?

It’s either your query letter or your book topic. Without having read your query, I can’t tell you for sure. Read your responses carefully for an indication of why you were rejected. If they’re asking you to submit other work, I’m guessing it’s the book topic and not the query, however, it doesn’t hurt to keep tweaking the query.

Query vs Cover Letter

What’s the difference between a query and a cover letter?

For most practical purposes, they’re the same but with a little twist.

In a query, you’re asking if you may submit your manuscript. The query letter includes info about your book: genre, word count, a brief description of the plot and the request to submit the manuscript. Depending on the publisher’s submission guidelines, the query letter may be accompanied by an outline/synopsis and the first few pages/chapters—or it may be a stand-alone submitted all by its lonesome self. (More posts about querying.)

You use a cover letter after the publisher/agent has agreed to read your manuscript. It goes on top of the hard copy manuscript when you mail it or in the body of the e-mail to which your manuscript is attached. The cover letter includes info about your book: genre, word count, a brief description of the plot and a thank you for reading the manuscript.

Querying a Series

When it comes to the first book of a series, how much of the query should dwell on the overall Main plot-line of the series (that’s only beginning in the first book) verses the specific ending-plot of book 1 alone? (being that it has both). This is a Fantasy series (could also be YA) with a set number of books that completes the main story. Course, from a newbie, is something like this a plus or minus when you receive it?

In your query, address book one. At the end of your letter, state that you intend this book as the first in a series of x number of books, following the story of A as he/she does whatever. Don’t go into much more detail than this. The publisher will ask about it if they’re interested.

Now, if it’s an epic adventure that really cannot be done in one book, you could add a second page to the query that gives a two to three sentence breakdown of each of the additional books.

In general, for a first time author, book one of the series should be written as a stand-alone novel. You can leave small clues in the book that can be pursued later and you can create an ending that allows for a sequel but you need to have the story complete in itself in case the publisher decides not to publish the rest of your series. Nothing is more disappointing to a reader then a book with a cliff hanger that never gets resolved.

Whether it’s a plus or a minus depends on how well written the book is. If it’s great, I’m going to be excited that there are more on the way. If it turns out the book sells well, then I’m going to want a new one each year until the series is done. If the book stinks, then it really doesn’t matter.

Sordid Pasts

This is a little embarrassing. Thank you for letting us be anonymous. I have previously published some stories where the main characters’ behaviors are–uh–not quite up to LDS standards. It was a long time ago and I sort of regret it now, but what’s done is done. I haven’t written anything in several years, but I now have an LDS story that I’d like to submit to an LDS publisher. Will my sordid past come back to haunt me?

Hmmm. That’s a question I can’t answer without more details, so all I can give you is a “Maybe; maybe not. “

It depends on several factors:

How sordid was your past? Or rather, your stories?

How widely read were your stories?

Did you publish under a pen name?

How likely are LDS readers to recognize you?

What is your current story? Is it squeaky clean or edgy?

There are some publishers who most likely would not have a big problem with that. There are others who would not even look at your new manuscript if your previous ones were in the realm of erotica or graphic violence. For most, however, I think it would largely depend on the quality and content of your new manuscript.

At some point in the submission process, BEFORE YOU SIGN A CONTRACT, you’re going to have to let your potential publisher know about previous publications. If your books were truly sordid, your publisher is going to need to have a plan in place to counter any possible repercussions–this could be anything from using a pen name to referencing a conversion in your bio.

I recommend dealing with it right up front in your initial query by listing your previously published titles. Then make sure that query and/or synopsis shines so brightly that they’ll have to read your manuscript.

E-mailing Queries

I got an e-mail this morning with nothing in the subject line, nothing in the body of the e-mail, and with an attached file. This happens occasionally. I always wonder if it’s an author sending a query who doesn’t know any better…but I am not curious enough to actually open that attachment. This is a common way to pass viruses and I am not going to take that chance. Last time I got a virus, my computer was in the shop for a week and they had to completely wipe and reformat the hard drive. I cannot tell you the problems that caused.

When you submit a query via e-mail, write it in your word processor. Double check for spelling and grammar, etc. Then when it’s polished and ready, COPY and PASTE it into the body of your e-mail. Do not attach it. And always put “Query” somewhere in the subject line.

Now, I am aware that some publishers have a downloadable form on their website for you to fill out and return as an attachment, or they say to go ahead and send your query/submission as an attachment. If they say that, then fine. Go ahead and do it. But there are also those that say to query within the body of the e-mail, no attachments. When in doubt, take this safer route.

How Not to Query

I received a query letter this week that I want to share with you because it’s an example of everything not to do. Most of you will know this already, but occasionally I get an e-mail from a blog reader that lets me know that some still need basic instruction. And that’s okay. That’s what I’m here for.

I am not going to poke fun at this letter because it’s clear they are trying their best. It’s not full of ego and attitude (my cue to poke as much fun as I want). Even though I’m fairly certain they will never stumble across this blog (they’re not LDS), I have changed the details so that even they won’t recognize themselves.

Handwritten:
John Doe
123 My Street
My Town, XX

5/15/07

XYZ Publisher
My PO Box
My Town, UT

To Whom It May Concern:

I Am Currently Looking For A Publishing Company, For My Book, “Car Maintenance for Women”

This is my First Book, I will Appreshute Any INFORMATION You Can Give Me, Such as Proof-Reading, Typesetting and Such.

I Am Looking Forward to Hearing From You.

Sincerely,
John & Martha

1. It’s handwritten. That is not appropriate. If you’ve written a book, surely you have a computer and could use that to write the letter. If you’ve handwritten your entire book, you will need to hire someone to type it before you submit. They can type your queries as well.

2. No phone number. No e-mail address. No SASE. You have not made it easy for me to respond to you. It will now cost me approx $1.50-4.00* to reject you (postage, materials, payroll; $1.50 if my assistant does it, $4 if I do it myself). It upsets me when I have to pay to reject a query I should never have gotten in the first place. Sometimes, I don’t reply.

3. My name is not “To Whom It May Concern.” If you don’t know my name and can’t figure out how to discover what my name is, “Dear Acquisitions Editor” is a better choice. However, if you’re writing non-fiction or historical fiction, I will assume that either you do have research skills but are too lazy to use them, or that you don’t have adequate research skills, which calls your manuscript content into question. Not a good place to start.

4. I am an LDS publisher. It states that clearly on our website and all official materials from us. I don’t know of any resource list that we are on that doesn’t also state that. The title of the book makes clear that it is not an LDS book. Again, if you didn’t do enough research to determine if we even publish your type of book, see #3. (Now, Car Maintenance for Mormons…uh, never mind.)

5. If we publish your book, why do you need information on proof reading and typesetting? We take care of that in-house. If you’re talking about cleaning up your manuscript before submitting, it would be unethical for us to refer you to someone. Also, you never need to typeset your own book.

6. Spelling and punctuation mistakes in your query are not a good sign. Either you were not careful or you don’t know any better. Both options mean that your manuscript will require too much editing for us to consider it. Also, if you had typed your query using any of the standard word processing programs, the spell and grammar checks would have cleaned that up.

7. Who the heck is Martha? Co-author? Include her name at the top and mention that you are co-authors in the letter. Spouse? Leave her off.

There is nothing wrong with being ignorant. If you’ve never done something before, there’s no reason why you would know how to do it correctly. However, there is every reason to do a little research. Go to the library, pick a book–any book–on how to query and/or submit a manuscript to a publisher. One book, one afternoon of research, would mean the difference between being considered and an automatic rejection.

*41¢ postage, 6¢ letter, 1¢ envelope, 1.50 payroll (counting taxes, etc.) or $3.33 (what my company considers my time to be worth, even though they don’t pay me that amount)

Contests with Cred

LDStorymakers recently had a First Chapter contest for conference attendees and Irreantum has a contest as well. If you enter one of these contests, or another one, and place in it, would it help to mention that in your cover letter?

It won’t hurt. These are two contests that LDS publishers would recognize. I’ve read winning submissions from both of them and they are usually a step above the average slush pile submission.

However, I’ve seen lots of first chapter winners that fall apart in chapter four.

Legitimate Contests

Do you think we can use [winning the question contest] on our cover letters?

No. Very few of my colleagues even know this blog exists, so they would have no idea what you were talking about. Besides, this is not a legit writing contest.

I know you were joking, but here’s what you can use–legitimate contests that offer real prizes of cash or publication, like Writer’s Digest contests. Being published in an anthology does not count.

How to tell if the contest is legit? Check Preditors and Editors.

Tips to Make Your Manuscript Stand Out

I’m trying to figure out if it’s best to use designer perfume to scent the pages of my manuscript and cover letter or if it’s okay to just go with a perfume from Target?

The more expensive the perfume, the better. The stronger the scent, the more I will enjoy reading your submission. Don’t be stingy. Douse that thing. Or better yet, soak your paper in it over night, then line dry it before using it to print your manuscript. And if you have any left over, put the rest of the bottle in the package as a bribe.

Do I really need to give a serious answer to this? Yes, apparently I do, because I sometimes get scented submissions–particularly romance submissions.

I have also received submissions with:

the query letter hand-written in purple ink
the entire mss printed on neon paper
the entire mss printed in a calligraphy font (or script; or Curlz; or…)
confetti that explodes out of the envelope when you open it

no, No, NO, NOOOO, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Reader Comments

I have heard that you can request readers’ comments from publishers after you have submitted a manuscript to them. What is the best way to do this? In the query letter? A note after you have been rejected?

You can request them. You may or may not get them. Depends on the company policy. Some companies don’t mind sharing the comments; others won’t.

I would make the request in the query letter. Some publishers file readers’ comments and keep them for a long time. Others simply note them in their log and toss the originals, in which case, by the time you get your rejection and request to see them, they may be long gone.

FYI–Readers’ comments refer to the practice of editors/publishers sending pages out to trusted readers with a comment form. If all the comments are favorable, chances are you’ll be accepted. If they’re not, you’ll be rejected.

However, many submissions are rejected before they go out to readers. Readers are only involved after the editor and a few in-house employees give the manuscript a thumbs up.

Tangent question: What if the editors like it but the readers don’t, or vice versa? Who decides? The marketing department.

Resubmitting Rewrites #2

Let’s pretend I sent you a manuscript and your company liked it enough to ask for a rewrite. Then let’s pretend the rewrite got lost in the cracks: the editor who asked for the rewrite changed jobs, the rewrite sat somewhere in the office for several months and then was rejected after I called to inquire on its status.

Fast-forward several months and now let’s pretend the rewrite has been reworked, had professional input and editing, and is even better and tighter than before.

How would you want me to ask you for the chance to resubmit once again?

Okay…forget pretending. It really happened and I really want to resubmit it.

Okay, this is a slightly different question from the last one. Based on the timing of events, your rejection may have been a matter of cleaning house, rather than a true rejection based on the quality of your book. This happens sometimes when editors leave. It’s not fair, but that’s the way it is.

My first suggestion would be to try to track down your first editor and see if the company they’re with now publishes stories like yours. They might remember you and be eager to see your rewrites.

If that isn’t a possibility–because they’re in a different specialty or a different industry–then send a query reminding us that we’d liked the original enough to ask for rewrites, and that you’ve now done those rewrites based upon our previous recommendations. Give a few specifics about the changes.

This would be one of the few times I’d suggest sending the entire mss (or the first few chapters) vs just a query because the first thing I’m going to do is check my log. If my comments aren’t glowing, I’ll reject on the query. But if you’ve mentioned the issues in your query that I have listed in my log, and if I have a few chapters right there on my desk, I’m going to accept your challenge and read a few pages.

Resubmitting Rewrites #1

Is it taboo to rewrite/rework a rejected novel manuscript and send it back for review to the same publisher that rejected it?

No, it’s not taboo, but it isn’t often successful. Whether or not you can resubmit depends upon why it was rejected. If they gave you reasons that have something to do with your style or your story, and you’ve done rewrites to address that, then your chances are better.

Your best bet is to send it to other publishers, but if you’re really set on this one (and face it, you have limited choices in the LDS market), then send a query stating that you’ve rewritten and would like to resubmit. Be specific about how it’s been rewritten. Then cross your fingers and hope it works.

Don’t You Dare Query an Unfinished Novel!

I like the new contest. Very interesting. So here is my first shot, and yes, this is a real question. 🙂

What is the benefit to submitting a query letter before actually writing the book?

Thanks for the blog. I love it. 🙂

If you are writing non-fiction, you do not need to complete the work before querying. All you need is well expressed compelling reasons that speak to the need for a book on your topic, a well developed outline (chapter by chapter breakdown and synopsis), the first couple of chapters, and probably some credentials. But you need to be prepared to finish the book very quickly after acceptance–within a few months, if not sooner. Some non-fiction is accepted because of its timeliness and if it takes 6 months or longer for you to finish it, it may not be timely anymore.

If you’re writing fiction, you ABSOLUTELY have to have a finished work before you query. An editor expects to see the finished manuscript immediately upon request. Also, many stories change as you write them. You think it’s going to go one way, and then the characters develop minds of their own and take it another way. It could very easily become a different book from what was described in your query.

Would You Publishers Make Up Your Minds Already?

Hi LDSP,

I submitted a manuscript according to the directions of the publisher. Shortly after my submission, however, the directions changed and the publisher now requires additional information. Will the publisher consider my submission under the old requirements or will it get trashed because it doesn’t have all of the components? Should I contact the publisher and offer to send the additional information or keep waiting it out and hope it still might be considered?

Thank you.

Assuming your publisher is reasonable and rational, they will know when they changed their submission guidelines and will allow for a grace period. If they need the additional information, they will let you know. If it will make you feel better, you could send them a short e-mail (no longer than what you just sent to me).

General Submission Standards, According to Me

Response to Josi from the comments trail:
I’ve heard the same thing from up and coming writers–just sure that they need to stand out to the publishers and that submitting is just a formality anyway. Maybe you could blog about what a publisher expects to receive. I know there are details that vary between publishers but there are some general standards and maybe knowing those things would give submitting writers something to build on as they research specific publishers.

1. Finish your manuscript. Have it reviewed and critiqued by readers who know something about books and grammar and plot, etc. Make changes.

2. Research publishers and make a list of those that publish the type of book you’ve written. Prioritize them according to which you’d most like to publish your book.

3. Do in-depth research on each of the publishers on your list. Go to their websites and carefully read their submission guidelines.

4. Divide your list according to who takes simultaneous submissions and who requires exclusives.

5. Decide if you want to send out multiple submissions first (to all those who accept them) or if you’re going to submit one at a time.

6. Prepare your submission according to the publisher’s guidelines. Most of them will be similar with only slight customization needed.

7. If they ask for query only, send only a one page query letter. If they ask for query plus partial, send your query and however many pages they ask for. If they don’t say, send 10 to 40 pages/1 to 3 chapters. If they ask for entire manuscripts, send your query letter and the entire manuscript. If they don’t specify what they want, I suggest the middle of the road–a query and pages. That will give them a taste of your writing ability, but won’t cost you as much.

8. I also really appreciate a brief summary outline that gives me a one or two sentence description of what happens in each chapter. Briefly describe the plot twists and give away the ending. Most publishers won’t mind if you include this, even if they ask for query only. (This will save us both time if it’s not something I’m looking for. If the concept is good, but the first chapters are slow or need work, I may ask you to fix it and resubmit. If I don’t have an outline, I’ll quit reading and just reject. I won’t read through to the end of a mss that needs work just to see how it ends.)

9. Query: One page, white paper, standard business style, 10 or 12 point type, standard font (Times), single spaced. Read up on this online or at the library. Try to find some samples of successful queries. (Kristen Nelson posted some a while back.)

10. Pages and/or full manuscript: White paper, single-sided, 10 or 12 point standard font, double spaced. Center the title and your full name, address, phone and e-mail on the title page. Also include the word count. On the rest of the pages, put your last name, abbreviated title in the top left; page numbers in the top right margin. Read up on this too.

11.Unless they specifically say they accept electronic submissions, submit on paper via snail mail. If they accept queries by e-mail, they will usually ask for them to be included in the body of the e-mail, not as attachments.

12. If they ask for a SASE, include one. If they don’t ask for a SASE, include one. This is standard protocol. A SASE is a self-addressed, stamped, #10 envelope.

13. If you want you manuscript back, send a larger SASE with enough postage for the return trip instead of the #10 envelope. However, most of the time it is not worth the expense to have it returned. It will usually not have notes and it will be beat up and unable to be sent to another publisher.

14. Be polite. Be professional. Spell check everything before printing. Check to be sure your personal information is correct. Check it again. Make sure the editor’s name and company name is spelled correctly.

15. Be patient. The process takes some time.

Rebel Without a Cause

Why are there so many rules for submitting and publishing a book? It seems I can’t even keep track of all of them. So I’ve decided to rebel. I’m going to write the best book I can and submit it however I want. What do you think about that??

If your book is really, really, really, really, really, good (to the nth power), then eventually, someone will probably publish it.

But it probably won’t be me. And it probably won’t be your first choice(s) in publisher.

Here’s the thing–we get so many submissions that DO follow the rules that when we get one that doesn’t, it usually doesn’t even get a serious look. What a submission that doesn’t follow the rules tells us is that either 1) you don’t know the rules and you can’t be bothered to do the basic research to discover what they are–in which case, publishing your manuscript will take a LOT of instruction and hand-holding on our part; or 2) you do know the rules and you think you’re too good for them–in which case you’re going to be a pain in the neck to work with and it’s going to be a fight on every point. Either way, an editor will probably decide that your book will just take too much time, energy and frustration to publish.

If you’re going to keep this attitude, I’d suggest submitting to a publisher who also doesn’t follow the rules. Maybe you can win them over with the force of your personality, or kindredness of spirit. Either that or self-publishing. But you’d better look for a distributor who doesn’t follow the rules too.

Don’t Waste Your Money!

I’ve received several manuscript submissions lately that were sent to me Priority Mail. Just opened one today–that has been sitting on my desk for a month.

Folks, Priority Mail gives you no advantage in the query/submission process–especially if you’re sending unsolicited manuscripts. Send it Parcel Post. Or Media Mail. Or even First Class. All are usually quite a bit cheaper than Priority. Unless an editor specifically requests that you send your manuscript Priority, save your money for more useful stuff–like toner and paper.

And if you really want to save money, do not send a full manuscript as your first contact with a publisher. Send a query letter. And don’t let anyone tell you that it’s harder for a publisher to reject a full manuscript than it is for them to reject a query or that we’re more willing to read a manuscript sitting on our desk than we are to ask for one to be sent. That’s nonsense.

When I see an unsolicited manuscript show up on my desk marked Priority Mail, I think, “Poor soul. They don’t have a clue how this business works. This manuscript better be good because I’m going to have to spend extra time educating this author.” When I see a well written query letter show up on my desk, I think, “Great! They’ve done their research. They know something about this business. I probably won’t have to hold their hand all day, every day…yes, I’ll give their manuscript a chance.” (Assuming, of course, the query is for something that I’m looking for.)

Is This a Pitch?

Sally, ostracized from high school because of her appearance, connects with Joe on a level he doesn’t understand. Unwilling to leave the “crowd” to discover that connection, Joe seeks to sever any and all ties with Sally, even going so far as to change classes. When Sally begins working at the same grocery store as Joe, his fear makes him desperate to avoid her. But, when the two are thrown together during a robbery, Joe finally discovers the connection and no longer fears Sally or his friends at high school.

Would this be considered a pitch? It’s not anything I am writing, but just wanted to try to apply your response to previous pitches.

Yes, this is a pitch. And it’s a decent one. I’d like to see a little more about what makes this story unique–different from the other teen love stories out there. Also, I’d like to see a secondary story line hinted at. But if I were in the market for teen romance, yes, I’d ask for a summary (chapter by chapter outline) and partial (first three chapters).

Query vs Pitch

What is the difference between a query letter and a straight pitch?

This question came up more than once during the pitch contest. Although I promised at the beginning of January that I would talk about a pitch, what it was and wasn’t, I got incredibly busy at work and never followed up on that. I apologize.

A pitch is the hook for your story. It’s that quick, succinct synopsis or summary that will make an agent or editor sit up and take notice. It’s the hook that reels them in and makes them want to read the book. Think of it as the blurb on the back of a softcover, the inside flap of a hardcover or the description of the book that gets printed in a sales catalog. If well written, it sells the book for you. It grabs the attention of the casual browser at the bookstore

Most of the time, a pitch is a verbal presentation at a writers conference when you’ll have 5 to 10 minutes with an agent or editor. You want to give them enough information that they’ll be hooked into the story and ask for more.

A written version of your pitch should also be included as a paragraph (or two) in your query letter. It can be your first paragraph, if you want to lead with it, or your second paragraph, if you want to introduce the basics (genre, title, word count, etc.) of your book first. Either way is fine. But a solid, polished hook paragraph must be part of your query letter or you will get a rejection.

When is it appropriate to use a pitch instead of a query?

At a face-to-face meeting with an editor or agent. But bring your query letter, which includes a written version of your pitch, with you.

Where would we find resources to show us what is and is not an effective pitch and when to use one?

You can find this info in many books about writing and submitting to publishers. Go to your library and browse the TOC of the various how-to-write books. I did a quick google and here are two things that I found.

Pitch Lines That Don’t Work

How to Write a Query (This one talks more about queries than pitches, but it’s good info.)

Many conferences offer the opportunity to meet with an editor. Would we use a pitch at that time? Would we write it down to give to the editor or simply state it to him/her?

Yes, you would use a pitch at these meetings. This is a verbal presentation. Practice your pitch in front of other people so you can give a smooth delivery. But bring your query letter, a partial and a full, in case your pitch is so stunning that it blows the editor away and they request more on the spot. (This rarely happens, but it could. I’ve accepted fulls at conferences.)

Is the purpose of a pitch to have an editor ask for a query and then a partial and then a full, or does the pitch take the place of the query?

Yes, the purpose of the pitch is to entice the editor to ask for more. It does not take the place of the query, although it should be included as part of your query (see above). If an editor requests that you mail him/her a partial or full, include your query letter with that submission. Make sure you mention in your introductory paragraph that you met the editor at such-and-such conference and that they asked for the partial/full. And thank them for their time and interest in your manuscript.

Pitch #5

Life is going well for Stacey Hunter. That is, until her young son witnesses the neighbor boy being kidnapped. When a ransom note appears and Stacey’s son describes the car he saw at the time of the kidnapping, she begins to suspect her own husband might be involved. The FBI believes he might be involved too.

Though she can tell something is going on with her husband, she tries to believe in his claims of innocence and begins an investigation of her own. Her snooping leads her to think the kidnapped boy’s father, Mark, is the one behind the kidnapping – seeing as how he’ll get nothing if he divorces his wealthy wife. The evidence also seems to point to Mark having an affair with a young woman he works with at the high school where he’s a teacher, a woman whose own husband was killed under unusual circumstances.

Stacey’s efforts are further complicated by the odd behavior of her supervisor, Patricia Summers, who has taken a keen interest in Stacey’s husband. Though uncertain of her husband’s faithfulness, Stacey presses on with her investigation until she flushes out the kidnapper and nearly gets herself killed.

This is the best pitch of the contest. It’s a little longer, but not so long that I wouldn’t read it/listen to it. It’s well written. It’s clearly a suspense novel. We know who the main character is and what some of her challenges are. It answers most of the basic questions.

I would like to see it be a little spicier, a little more intense, to show me that you can carry the suspense. Drop a line that gives us an idea of the setting—where it takes place. Mention the main character’s age. My guess is thirty-something, but it would help me to know.

Also, how is this unique? Right now, it’s just another suspense story—which is fine, if I’m looking to churn out suspense novels. But if I’m looking for a big seller (and I always am), I need something that shows me how this is different from the other kidnapping suspense stories already out there.

I’d probably ask for the first couple of chapters because I really like suspense and I’m willing to give most of them a read. But if you were pitching to a national agent/editor, there might not be enough uniqueness in the pitch to get a request for chapters.

One last comment. I didn’t set any restrictions on the type of novel to be pitched, so it could be LDS or not. Since this does not mention that it’s LDS, I’m assuming it is not—which is fine for this contest. But if you really were pitching me as an LDS publisher, you’d need to let me know that there are LDS components to the story.

Pitch #4

“She stood five-foot-eleven and had to be all of 350 pounds. Her beady eyes, dull and black, looked out from a mass of tangled, dirty blonde hair, her twisted and puffy face full of acne and pockmarks. “GLENNA! run for your lives!” we’d scream in our best blood-curdling cries whenever we saw her. Everyone knew she had cooties of the worst kind, and we would probably die if she ever touched us. But I loved her.”

First, this is not really a pitch. It’s a paragraph from the book. This is more of a hook that you might include in a query letter, but it doesn’t tell me enough to qualify as a pitch. A pitch needs to answer the questions: who, what, when, where, and why—with a hint at least on the how.

The last line catches my interest, but the rest of this pitch doesn’t do much to get me to ask for more.

You told me in your e-mail that this was a YA novel, but that info was not part of the pitch itself. It should be–or there should be enough clear hints that I get it without question. The reference to cooties leads me to believe it’s elementary or middle school. But Glenna’s height leads me to believe she’s older than that. Is she a fellow student? Or is she an older woman pushing a grocery cart down the street? Why does he (or whoever) love her? Is she perhaps his mother or grandmother?

Clearly, this is not written from Glenna’s perspective, but she’s the only character that’s introduced. Need to know more about who your narrator is. Also need to know what the conflict is going to be and some clue as to its resolution.

I also do not have a clue as to the genre of this book—is it a teen coming-of-age story? A child coming to grips with mental illness in his/her family? Is Glenna a psycho killer who is going to wreak havoc on the playground or a student with a shotgun? Is this going to be one of those make-over romances where the narrator brings out the beauty inside Glenna and then falls in love with her? I can’t tell. I need to know because I don’t want to waste my time and yours asking for partials in a genre that I’m not interested in.

You may have a very good, very compelling story here, but I can’t tell it from the pitch. I would have to pass.

Pitch Contest #3

The Misadventures of Little Red Writing Hood

Have you ever felt like you’re just spinning your wheels, flinging mud but never getting anywhere? And does ‘getting anywhere’ mean achieving fame and fortune at the expense of being reasonable, responsible, and celestial?

Beckie Mackintosh feels like she’s been spinning her wheels all her adult life, but it’s not mud she’s flinging, it’s dust. Beckie, a would-be writer, lives in a small Utah town with three slightly wacky children [doesn’t work] , two dogs who are devoted to food [doesn’t work], a cat who thinks she’s a queen [doesn’t work], and a parrot that’s in love with a feather duster [works!]. Oh yes, and let’s not forget … a husband who’s a psychologist. She wrestles with paw prints, scouting, femininity, and moths [huh?], all the while wearing her lucky red sweatshirt to help her write, and wondering if achieving the celestial kingdom is at odds with achieving the best seller list.

Her most outstanding talent, her imagination, is also Beckie’s biggest challenge since it often carries her away. Her goal is to become a published author, and her family’s antics provide ample material for her to work with. However, finding a publisher who appreciates her ability to turn the mundane into the marvelous is not an easy task.

Frustration reaches a peak and she vows never to write again. However, her husband, Rusty, submits an entry for her in a contest sponsored by a toilet paper manufacturer. The entry is a chapter from her book, revolving around an experience Rusty had while on the Klondike … using toilet paper for a substitute ski mask [works!]. Beckie is awarded a cash prize, along with the opportunity to help write a commercial for the company. She finally understands that she can be celestial without being perfect, and that her family loves her just as she is … sitting at her computer in her quirky red sweatshirt, writing stories and ignoring the dust.

Okay, this could be really good or it could be really bad. I can see that you’re going for humor, but most of it misses the zing (see notes in red). When I say “doesn’t work,” it means it’s too familiar and commonplace. “Slightly wacky,” how? Give us an example. All dogs love food and all cats think they rule the house. How are her pets out of the ordinary? The parrot hits right on. That is an unusual twist for a parrot.

I like the pun in the title–writing; red sweatshirt–but it’s hard for me to believe that there is going to be enough dramatic tension in this book to motivate sales. It’s not a romance, a suspense, or a mystery—so that means it’s going to be harder to sell. If it’s very, very funny then it might work, but the hints at the jokes and the fun aren’t sharp enough in this pitch to convince me.

Although I smiled at the set-up, I wasn’t completely sold. This is a fence-sitter. I might ask for partials if I was caught up on submissions and having a slow week. If I was really busy, I’d pass.